Unfortunately, Valentine’s Day can be a “make or break” time of year for most couples.

If you get an appropriate and awesome gift for your significant other, you are a superstar in their eyes. Anything less and you are most likely in the dog house.

So if you want to avoid sleeping on the couch for a bit, do NOT get these gifts for your Valentine.

1. For all of those Valentine’s Day messes.

Imgur / notaWhiteWalker

2. This cigarette holder for 2.

Incredible Things

3. Name a roach after your loved one, I guess?

Bronx Zoo

4. This portable privacy dome allows you to make out wherever you are.

Incredible Things

And look like creeps while doing it.

5. This isn’t what she meant when she said, “Put a ring on it.”

Baron Bob

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6. Nothing more romantic than filing for divorce.

reddit / SSJwiggy

7. Oh, this is just cruel.

Village Voice

Womp, womp.

8. Get your lover some really weird duvet covers.

Incredible Things

9. “I think it’s time we start thinking about our future.”

Keep Busy

10. Smitten mittens. So cute they make you want to puke.

Incredible Things

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11. A little potty humor never hurt anyone on Valentine’s Day

Barefoot Floor

12. Shirts that let you know exactly how lonely you are for most of the day.

Incredible Things

13. Don’t make this card for a person you love. Ever.

Funny Junk

Unless you love Nicolas Cage.

14. More like “Uncomfortable-ies.”

Incredible Things

15. You can get your lover’s face made into a terrifying chocolate.

Solid Smack

16. This is a manly man’s Valentine’s Day present.

Imgur / ispt3ch

17. Gotta have fresh breath when you plant a smooch on your other half.

Baron Bob

18. No. NO. NO! NO!!!

The Daily What

(via BuzzFeed)

Now that you know what NOT to buy, umm…just buy some chocolates or something for your lover. You can never go wrong with chocolates. Who doesn’t love chocolate?!