The 20 Biggest Dick Moves You Can Make When You’re Drunk
1. Get too close when talking.
“Blah blah blah politics blah blah blah organic cashews blah blah blah…” –That dick turd who is one inch from your face at a party.
2. Start crying over something dumb.
Jenna is with Tommy now? I’m sorr – Wait, you’re talking about a TV show?! What a dick.
3. Become unnecessarily loud.
What’s that? I can’t hear you since you just blew out my eardrum, dick cheese.
4. Pick fights for no apparent reason.
I get it. You need attention and weren’t hugged enough as a child. Moving on, dickhole.
5. Attempt to drunkenly kiss someone.
They weren’t giving you the eyes, they were just concerned about how much you drank, you dickasaurus rex.
6. Start spilling all over the place (and yourself).
Oh, and now you’re wiping it up with my good towels? Thanks, dick!
7. Drunk dial your ex.
Because that is exactly what will win them back: a drunk, dickish you.
8. Drunk text your ex.
“WAT U UP2? ME? jusT W8n 4 u” –A text from a dick that basically reeks of Fireball shots.
9. Start telling secrets.
Just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean you have license to start spreading all that gossip that you swore you would never tell, you dickwad.
10. Be mean just because.
My shirt looks stupid to you? Thanks for telling the entire room your opinion, dicknose.
11. Stumble all over the place.
From Johnny Walker to Johnny Not Walking in 3… 2… 1… Dick move!
12. Start to undress in public.
No, it’s not hot in here, it’s just you, you dick wipe.
13. Say you’re not hungry then eat someone else’s food.
Anyone see my burger – DAMNIT, DICK SLACKS!
14. Pass out at inopportune times.
The game hasn’t even started and you’re already passed out? What a drunk, sleepy dick.
15. Throw up anywhere besides the toilet/middle of a forest.
Y’know, I’ve always hated this rug. Thanks for puking on it so I can buy a new one, you dick rag.
16. Pee anywhere other than a toilet/middle of the forest.
When you gotta go, please don’t go in my flowerbed, OK, Dick Trashy?
17. Make out like no one is watching.
Trust me, everyone is watching and we’re all grossed out, you pervy dick.
18. Act like you’re hot shit.
Alcohol may give you confidence, but it can’t give you a personality, you egotesticle dick.
19. Forget what you were just saying.
“And then the nun says… Wait, I forgot the punchline. What where we ::burp:: talking about?” –A dick among dicks.
Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/justinabarca/dick-moves-when-youre-drunk
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