51 Reasons Living In Chicago Ruins You For Life
1. Because pizza anywhere else will seem like pizza for ants.
And “Chicago-style” just ain’t the same.
2. Because Central Park is pretty, but Millennium Park is a work of art.
Well-planned and beautiful, just like the rest of the city.
3. Because hot dogs anywhere else are just plain WRONG.
Ketchup? Seriously? And where are the poppyseeds on that bun? Come on.
4. Because you believe great public transportation is a human right.
And you’re sure as hell not going to find that in places like L.A.
5. Because you can’t imagine not having one of the world’s greatest art collections 20 minutes from home.
6. Because you’ve learned resilience from the Cubs…
That damned goat.
7. …or the taste of glory from the Sox.
And cheering on teams anywhere else just seems a bit dull.
9. Because our streets are wide and our drivers are sane.
For the most part.
10. Because a month never goes by when you don’t see fireworks.
Check out Navy Pier’s fireworks calendar here.
11. Because all through the summer, you can cruise on the lake.
Break out that American flag bikini top.
12. Because autumn is a brief, but real season.
And it smells fantastic.
13. And when winter comes, you expect beautiful flurries of snow in exchange for your suffering.
It builds character, kid.
14. Because the rough winters make springtime all the more glorious.
That first sweet day of 50-degree weather in April…
15. Because this is where you exercise.
Who needs SoulCycle?
16. Because you’re used to being able to afford your rent.
Cost of living index, NYC: 254
Cost of living index, London: 283
Cost of living index, Chicago: 187
*sigh*
17. Because our universities are top notch.
UChicago, Northwestern, DePaul, Loyola, UIC… the list goes on.
19. Because whenever there’s danger, Batman might be around the corner.
The best Gotham, the real Gotham.
20. Because no other city has Italian beef like ours.
Brb, salivating.
22. Because the air doesn’t smell like sweat and garbage.
New York, I love you, but you smell like a toilet.
23. Because the streets are kept clean.
Hey, other major cities! There’s this thing we have in Chicago called “alleys.” It means you don’t have to put your trash on the sidewalk! I know. Novel.
24. Because popcorn means this:
Creative Commons / Flickr: ambimb
Cheddar and caramel, all over my fingers.
26. Because amber waves of grain are never more than a half hour’s drive away.
All right, 45 if there’s traffic.
27. …and whenever you fly out of O’Hare, you get a farewell light show.
To help you cope with the fact you’re leaving the Greatest City on Earth.
28. Because living in the Architectural Capital of the United States gives you unrealistic standards of beauty for all other cities.
29. Because there’s no better spot to meet your friends than at the cafeteria of Water Tower Place.
Foodlife for life.
30. Because you don’t pay city income tax.
Make it rain, [kickass Chicago comedian] Cameron Esposito.
32. Because you’ve only ever paid off-Broadway prices to see Broadway shows.
Let’s go see Book of Mormon next weekend.
34. Because you take LSD every chance you get.
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